Sexist Women

Ladies this one is for you, and me. I’ve noticed that many of my young, independent, female friends have really sexist ideals about men. Many women today are self-sufficient, but I do feel that certain unreasonable expectations do pervade when it comes to the financial status of the men we date. Many of these financial expectations, like having an impressive job, driving a nice car, affording vacations, we are not even imposing on ourselves. It’s as if some of us are caught between the 1950s housewife and the 21st century do-it-all female models of society. Are we saying to ourselves - "Oh boy, it’s nice that we can accomplish all these things, but isn’t it so much nicer when our man does it instead?

Men should not be expected to afford to take us to a fancy restaurant. If they can, and that’s their lifestyle, then sure. But, I personally hold a rule that I do not let the guy pay for me unless we are in a monogamous committed relationship. Otherwise, we split the bill. It’s not okay for a guy who we barely know to buy us a $100 meal unless you are willing to do the same for them. If it’s a first date and he takes you somewhere expensive and you can’t cover your share, then pay for some of it at least, even if he’s loaded. We can’t be angry at men who shower us with presents and then have certain expectations in return. We know exactly why they are doing it - because they are trying to impress us, sometimes sadly the best way they know how, and the way they think will be responded to most effectively. Sure, it’s nice to receive presents and expensive dinners and shopping sprees but unless you're a charity case, or it’s being reciprocated then you're putting yourself back about 50 years in the struggle for female equality.

If we continue to play second string in society and act like it’s a man’s world, then that’s exactly the way it’s going to be. Men should not be expected to drive and have a car when you don’t even have your license. Put on your big girl pants and go get your own car; if you can’t afford it quite yet, then don’t expect that he should be able to. You can always take a romantic bus ride together.

Being treated well and being treated like a lady does not mean a man needs to spend a lot of money on you. If a man can impress without waving his wallet around then he’s got my attention. Ladies, men are constantly responding to our mercenary and superficial expectations and then we get upset when a relationship still feels like it’s lacking. It’s because many men haven’t had the need to work out their romantic muscles. Men who do not have money sometimes don’t even make an effort because they already feel defeated. So like a peacock, the men with money and status flaunt themselves around introducing themselves by saying their name and their title at the company they work for, ordering the most expensive champagne at the bar. Sure, these Bay Street babes look shiny but let’s not forget we’ve got feathers of our own to fly. (corny but hey, it gave you a visual)

What really counts is someone who is kind, respectful, thoughtful and loving. (I'm sure you have your own list.) A man should be able to prove that he has value and can add value without tangible things and that’s a rule for all. You should be able to prove that first and foremost in any relationship.

In society men are still expected to be the primary providers but I think we need to get out of that mentality and ask ourselves why IS it like that? There's an alternative way of thinking? Now, I’m not saying that we should scrap some of the more traditional the models: A man being the sole breadwinner and a woman being a stay at home mum is a fine model if one chooses that path - I’m just saying we should change our expectations to give a broader spectrum for other models to exist.

The only way women can truly harness their independence and understand their limitlessness potential to succeed, despite of societal restraints, is to shake off these antiquated expectations that are laid on men; expectations that are sometimes so ingrained in our psyche it’s difficult to fully identify. As young women if we already expect men to afford things we can’t then we’ve already lost the battle. Our twenties is usually the time we are focusing on our careers and if we expect the men we date to be in better financial standing than us, then we are in turn expecting them to be doing better in their jobs and careers than us; The same jobs and careers we may be vying for. Just think of men and women as two humans (I know mind boggling) starting out on an even plane (again, ground breaking) and although we can be aware of the realities of this world, think beyond that and free ourselves and our men of these expectations we place on them, only then we are capable of changing our perceptions, able to affect our realities and in effect a true paradigm shift in our worlds.