Sexist Women

Ladies this one is for you, and me. I’ve noticed that many of my young, independent, female friends have really sexist ideals about men. Many women today are self-sufficient, but I do feel that certain unreasonable expectations do pervade when it comes to the financial status of the men we date. Many of these financial expectations, like having an impressive job, driving a nice car, affording vacations, we are not even imposing on ourselves. It’s as if some of us are caught between the 1950s housewife and the 21st century do-it-all female models of society. Are we saying to ourselves - "Oh boy, it’s nice that we can accomplish all these things, but isn’t it so much nicer when our man does it instead?

Men should not be expected to afford to take us to a fancy restaurant. If they can, and that’s their lifestyle, then sure. But, I personally hold a rule that I do not let the guy pay for me unless we are in a monogamous committed relationship. Otherwise, we split the bill. It’s not okay for a guy who we barely know to buy us a $100 meal unless you are willing to do the same for them. If it’s a first date and he takes you somewhere expensive and you can’t cover your share, then pay for some of it at least, even if he’s loaded. We can’t be angry at men who shower us with presents and then have certain expectations in return. We know exactly why they are doing it - because they are trying to impress us, sometimes sadly the best way they know how, and the way they think will be responded to most effectively. Sure, it’s nice to receive presents and expensive dinners and shopping sprees but unless you're a charity case, or it’s being reciprocated then you're putting yourself back about 50 years in the struggle for female equality.

If we continue to play second string in society and act like it’s a man’s world, then that’s exactly the way it’s going to be. Men should not be expected to drive and have a car when you don’t even have your license. Put on your big girl pants and go get your own car; if you can’t afford it quite yet, then don’t expect that he should be able to. You can always take a romantic bus ride together.

Being treated well and being treated like a lady does not mean a man needs to spend a lot of money on you. If a man can impress without waving his wallet around then he’s got my attention. Ladies, men are constantly responding to our mercenary and superficial expectations and then we get upset when a relationship still feels like it’s lacking. It’s because many men haven’t had the need to work out their romantic muscles. Men who do not have money sometimes don’t even make an effort because they already feel defeated. So like a peacock, the men with money and status flaunt themselves around introducing themselves by saying their name and their title at the company they work for, ordering the most expensive champagne at the bar. Sure, these Bay Street babes look shiny but let’s not forget we’ve got feathers of our own to fly. (corny but hey, it gave you a visual)

What really counts is someone who is kind, respectful, thoughtful and loving. (I'm sure you have your own list.) A man should be able to prove that he has value and can add value without tangible things and that’s a rule for all. You should be able to prove that first and foremost in any relationship.

In society men are still expected to be the primary providers but I think we need to get out of that mentality and ask ourselves why IS it like that? There's an alternative way of thinking? Now, I’m not saying that we should scrap some of the more traditional the models: A man being the sole breadwinner and a woman being a stay at home mum is a fine model if one chooses that path - I’m just saying we should change our expectations to give a broader spectrum for other models to exist.

The only way women can truly harness their independence and understand their limitlessness potential to succeed, despite of societal restraints, is to shake off these antiquated expectations that are laid on men; expectations that are sometimes so ingrained in our psyche it’s difficult to fully identify. As young women if we already expect men to afford things we can’t then we’ve already lost the battle. Our twenties is usually the time we are focusing on our careers and if we expect the men we date to be in better financial standing than us, then we are in turn expecting them to be doing better in their jobs and careers than us; The same jobs and careers we may be vying for. Just think of men and women as two humans (I know mind boggling) starting out on an even plane (again, ground breaking) and although we can be aware of the realities of this world, think beyond that and free ourselves and our men of these expectations we place on them, only then we are capable of changing our perceptions, able to affect our realities and in effect a true paradigm shift in our worlds.

Race versus nationality and citizenship

I just finished reading an excellent article in TorontoLife about how the next generation of kids in Toronto are quite a mixed-up bunch. Let me explain. The city’s wonderful diversity is slowing transforming Toronto into a melting pot of multi-race, multi-cultural and oh so very unique kids.

Being from the Caribbean I’m ecstatic to see this transformation happening and soon the face of the world will be more beautiful than it’s ever been. Having parents from opposite sides of the world must be invigorating.

However, I noticed that there needs to be some clarification on the difference between nationality and a race of people. Actually, I’ve noticed the need for this clarification for years while living in Toronto.

The first thing is you can’t be mixed with Trinidadian and Canadian, or be half Guyanese and half African. Why? Think about it, what does that really mean? That you have dual citizenship? I understand that people use this to explain their roots, but it’s also used to explain what races someone might be mixed with and that’s where it gets confusing. You can’t be mixed with citizenship.

Here’s a quick history lesson on the Caribbean as I feel it would shed some light on this discussion. Also since I'm from there it's the best way for me to get my message across.

If you’re not familiar with the Caribbean it’s very similar to Toronto in terms of the various races of people living in the same place who have all come from different parts of the world. When Columbus discovered the West Indies, along came the British, Spanish and French plantation owners. Plantation owners brought hordes of slaves from Africa to work on the plantations, this is why a large demographic of Caribbean people are black as their ancestors are directly from Africa. When slavery was abolished many indentured workers were brought in from India and then some from East Asia and Portugal in smaller numbers. Let’s not forget the natives who were already living in many of the islands like the Caribs and Arawaks.

So you see, people from all over the world immigrated to the archipelago of islands we call the Caribbean just as people from all over the world have settled here in Toronto.

I’ve heard my friends say with a puzzled look, “He looked like he was Indian but told me he was Caribbean,” or “She looked white but she was Caribbean.” Now you see it’s not so puzzling afer all.

Just as by saying you’re from Toronto doesn’t reflect your race and you can’t really say you’re half Torontonian because that could mean your ancestors were from any part of the world, or you were born in any part of the world. If you were born here, you’re Canadian and that’s a beautiful thing to be embraced. I understand that such diversity in a city causes a certain feeling of fragmentation in a society and in its people. So, we grasp at the puzzle pieces we have to create an identity for ourselves to give us roots where we don’t feel like we have any. And so, we say we’re half Trini, when in fact our father was born in Trinidad and he left when he was 18 and you’ve never visited. It makes us interesting and exotic to make those delineations, I get it. But me obtaining a British passport and becoming British doesn’t make me anymore British than Madonna.

I’m Black (African), Indian, Amerindian (Guyanese Native), Portuguese and possibly some French, Dutch and East Asian I’ve been told. My great, great, great grandparents were slaves, indentured workers, slave owners and Guyanese natives. I’m Guyanese. Saying that I’m Guyanese only means that I was born there. I am mixed races. Yes, that’s a thing. In Guyana when filling out forms about your race there’s a box that says mixed races. Then you can check off the races that you are mixed with and there’s a separate box to state your nationality. I think Canada needs to implement this box, not only in our paper work but in our discourse about diversity.

To wrap up, I may sound like I’m being a know-it-all, but I’m just so darn proud to be so mixed and that Toronto and the world seem to be becoming one big melting pot of all the beautiful races of the world. I think it would be great for people to understand their heritage more, and know exactly what it means to be from somewhere else or from right here in Toronto. I also think it’s great that people who are second or third generation want to identify with their heritage by saying they are half Trini or Jamaican, but when translated it’s as if someone is saying they are half East Asian… so does that mean you are Chinese, Japanese, Korean? It’s just so unnecessarily vague and a slight effort would lend some much needed clarity.

Before I get the third degree from everyone, I don’t expect people to stop saying that they are half this or part that, I think the discourse will evolve naturally. We have to describe our heritage somehow and in the best way we know how, I’m just saying there’s room for improvement. You end up having to explain yourself anyways when you say you’re Trini then I ask what part of Trinidad you’re from, or your parents, or anything and you don’t know…. That's a knowing where you came from fail right there.

I consider myself a Torontonian, and saying that takes on the same meaning as saying I’m Caribbean. I’m a part of this wonderful twirl of cultures, swishing and swashing together, but, if asked my nationality it’s Guyanese, if given the opportunity to add a bit more detail– my ancestors were African, Portuguese, Amerindian and Indian, and that’s why I look so funny .

Let me be a hippie for a second and say maybe we get too tied up about where we are from, we are citizens of the world, and hopefully one day we will care as much about where we are from as we do where the flowers in a garden are from.

Funny story on perception- As a kid living in Guyana, I was bullied for not being black; in Toronto I’m constantly referred to as black. Cool beans.

Also check out that TorontoLife article
http://www.torontolife.com/informer/features/2013/02/12/mixie-me/

Image courtesy Mixed Babies on Tumblur.

You seem like an unemotional b*tch, you're hired!

After a short, let's call it a sabbatical... I'm back out on the job market and the pickings are slim, almost as slim as the narrow-minded perspectives of some hiring employers it seems. I showed up for an interview today and here's what happened: After about 5 minutes into the interview, the hiring manager, with a baby face and an infectious smile looks at me and says, Tashika, you seem like you got what it takes to work here(not verbatim)"I don't want to say the "B" word" but...," he pauses and gives me a cheeky nod as if to say well you know what I really want to say. I look at him perplexed, confused, insulted and dumb-founded not believing that he has just indirectly or rather directly called me a "bitch." I reply, my eyebrows still turned inward, "Oh! do you mean I seem very single-minded." I stretch out the syllables hoping he would correct himself and catch on that I've intentionally chosen a word that does not in fact begin with the letter "B"; or give him a chance to redeem himself and use a different sort of "B" word, like: yes you seem "bright" "bulbous" "bingo" "britches" - anything but "bitches" really. He continues, "Sass! That's it! you seem like you have a lot of sass." I reply, "Well I guess I do..." (What I really think to myself) Sorry! Please... you can "sass" my a**. Now, I was completely caught off-guard by being called a "b-word" by a prospective employer albeit in his own ape like way he thought he was giving me a compliment. And honestly, I was almost willing to let it slide, not slide so far that I don't share this ballistic anecdote, but, I probably won't have been motivated enough to pound away at my keyboard. What he said next just heaped on the layers that quickly solidified his behaviour of first class chauvinism and how insane I was to think of letting his comment waste away in a sidebar. He continues interviewing me seemingly oblivious and enthusiastic as ever, apparently in his mind we are now best friends, trapped in the 40s or possibly gangster rappers. He says, "You don't seem like you get very emotional." He's beaming at this point and so pleased that he has been able to extract this inner most working of my personality. I awkwardly reply, "well, I guess I've heard that before..." as I tilt my head the way a journalist does trying to solve a math problem. He continues and says, you know you need a certain type of woman to be in this industry. Huh!?? Do I have wax build-up? Am I being Punk'd? Is this a social experiment and I'm behind some really cool glass wall being observed by McMaster grad students? Am I in the matrix? Probably...all of the above. I'm at a lost here? What would you have done? What is the right protocol in this situation? What would be considered under-reacting and over-reacting and why? I finished my interview bewildered; I can honestly say I've only been bewildered a few times in my life and this is one of them. I was called back for a second interview which I showed up for but then turned down. In addition to the job not being a right fit in numerous other ways, I couldn't get his words out of my head. I felt like I had been in a time warp and it makes me sick to my stomach that a young man, not much older than I am, sitting in an office in Toronto, born and raised in this wonderful country was capable of spewing such backward garbage. This is the dirty underbelly of sexist attitudes that still pervade and are being perpetuated in the workplace. We all know the stats, if you don't read it here, and we know that women are only now within the last few years just making significant progress on a large scale of acquiring equally in the workforce. So, please leave and let be the feminists of my generation; let them yell and blog and tweet about women's rights so as to balance the scales out, because honestly, enough isn't being done. And, to all you naysayers that women need to stop complaining, it's those attitudes of complacency that leave the ponds of change stagnant and soon smelly and festering with sores that we thought we had long gotten rid of, but, ever so often the pus oozes out. Today, the pus oozed out. Image courtesy Microsoft Office.

Hello one year later

So I've decided to return to the world of blogging, although I never truly immersed myself in the culture I've been aching to write and so write I shall. Although my blog is called thejournlistadiaries, in review, I've noticed I have yet to pen in true diarist form, don't worry, I won't, or at least I shall try not to. I do intend on ranting and raving on occasion and relaying an anecdote or two in the most candid way possible.

From Sacred to Sexy

Bare legs and nuns' habits, a sexy sleek model draped in black and white with reverently pursed red lips and an almost full nun attire struts down the runway at New York Fashion Week.

For years designers have been using sacred Catholic symbols and plastered them onto tight t-shirted canvases, slipped rosaries around their necks and emblazoned crosses as they please and with little or no backlash.

You can walk into any H&M or Aldo and purchase a "rosary necklace", it's become quite the staple in fashion accessories, as it is a staple for Catholics during their devotional prayer time.

"I don't think it's appropriate at all, for people who the rosary holds great significance, it's not a fashion accessory, it's a devotional prayer, it's part of who we are as Catholics.," said Neil MacCarthy, director of public communications of the Archdiocese of Toronto and a devote Catholic.

In Canada there are over 12 million Catholics, over 800 priests and over 500 sisters in Toronto alone but there hasn't been any major recorded backlash or objections, according to the the Archdiocese of Toronto, from the Catholic community when sacred symbols are turned in sexy sales for the masses, and not the type of mass that happens at church.

The soothing aroma of incense, the reverent sound of “Ave Maria” ... and the trendy designs by Givenchy? It was Catholic optional last year at the Givenchy show, where the designer embraced/exploited the ecclesiastically obsessed and just last week, in addition to nuns habits', the caps of Catholic cardinals made a special appearance in the Victoria Beckham collection.

On record only one pair of Canadian designers have famously ventured into this realm of expresssion but have not done so on Canadian soil. In 2005 Dsquared went all out, pews and all, as models in (possibly) blasphemous t-shirts that read, "Jesus loves even me".

"Religion is so passe, it controls the weak. Its an easy way to seem edgy, I guess. Fashionable? No," said top Canadian designer Evan Biddell.

The Fashion Design Council of Canada (FDCC) do not have any stipulations for designers against using any form of religious inspiration in their collections but encourage creative freedom said Samatha Ventresca of the buyer relations department.

Although many of the designers who use Catholicism as inspiration in their collections are themselves Catholic, their motivations are unknown. However, if a designer’s intentions for using certain religious symbolism could be known, you would have educated consumers, unfortunately however this may also take away from dramatic effect.

The habit is ‘“the ensemble of clothing and accessories that make up religious dress. It can also mean specifically the robe like tunic or dress that is the main garment worn over the body’.” It symbolizes a new personality or state in life according to “A Nun’s Life Ministry”. The purpose of the Rosary according to the “Rosary-Centre” is to “help keep in memory certain principal events or mysteries in the history of our salvation, and to thank and praise God for them” and it is discouraged and considered disrespectful to be worn as a necklace.

“I think it is a bit of a shame when a sacred image gets translated into or gets "dumbed" down, basically taking away what is scared from it and digressing it, tearing it down to be just an object; it's an injustice toward the sacred piece,” said Lisa Canning, a former stylist turned notable interior designer for HGTV.


“There is a lot of power in the voice of communities and the same thing with religious groups when there is anything anti-semantic, the community is very quick to take arms and stand up and I think we have to do the same,” said Canning.

So why no backlash?

Although individuals are shaken when they see these symbols and motifs being misused and misrepresented nothing more than the rare complaint to a leader in the church has been made, and on occasion a letter for a request to remove a product based on sensitivity has been written.

"They ( the Catholic community) are a tolerant community ... there has been a handful, just a small number, of instances that it's ( the use of scared symbols being used in secular fashion designs) been an issue" said MacCarthy.

Father Brian Clough “was revolted by the Lady Gaga video, where she winds up towards the end of the thing dressed as a nun but he says, “ … putting some kind of restriction on them( the fashion industry) is something that just won't work.” The music video is called “Fernando”.

From the postmodern rebellion of the 80's the fashion world has been inundated with Christian religious symbols and has slowly become a staple in pop culture. A natural desensitization occurs and things that may have been a statement soon become a non-issue thus reflective of the lack of response from the Catholic community as a whole.

But “There should always be that respect for the other person...(but) I'm not pushing down the throat what I hold dear for others, I think it’s a fair request and not only for the people of the Catholic faith but it can be for people of any other faith,” said Father Christopher Cauchi.

For some the issue is an obscure one because they are not part of that demographic that these products are geared to and for them a potential issue is a non-issue by default.

And sometimes you just need to turn the other cheek, “We don't want to feed into these things also, we have to weigh our options, when is it best to come forward or step back, they are trying to elicit a reaction from us and we're not going to go there, said MacCarthy.

Mez (keeping it real)

Check out my little brother doing his thing, keeping it real and making his big sis proud.
Support your local T.O artists!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWyAe-BOgb4

Hip- Hop Showcase of Local Talent

Urban music show, "It's Bigger Than Hip Hop" to showcase local talent at Woo Lounge on Thursday 8th 2010.

Toronto, ON - 7th July, 2010- On Thursday 8th at Woo Lounge, King Alexander Entertainment and partners will be featuring some of Toronto’s best local up and coming urban talent with the “It’s Bigger Than Hip-Hop” showcase. The show will begin at 10:30 p.m. until 2:00 a.m. with an entrance fee of $10.00. The event is meant as a pre-show and fundraiser for Youth Day celebrations which will be taking place on July 25th.
The showcase is reflective of the vision of King Alexander Entertainment which is, “To develop and promote Canadian artists (and) to put Canadian artists on the world stage,” said Alexander Harding, CEO of the company.
The night will feature performances by Jay-Kellz, Brookz, J-Perez, Teddy F House, Bianca, Element, Advent Children, and Jade's Hip Hop Academy. There will also be live art by Sponsors Hector Savage & Fuel of The A Team Laith Hakeem. Over 200 guests are expected at this event as well as special guest speaker Tylaine Duggan who is the founder of Youth Day. The night will also be featuring DJ Law, DJ Eviloution, DJ Tony Blaze and DJ Mike Stoan.

A press conference will be held at 4:00 pm prior to the show at the lounge. Leading local artists, producers and directors are expected to attend.

The 4th annual Youth Day will be held at Yonge and Dundas Square on Sunday July 25th and will be featuring music, dance, art and photography all by local youth. This is an ages event and is free to the public.
For more information on “It’s Bigger Than Hip-Hop” contact Tashika Gomes at (647) 678-4070 or visit http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=139573126056503.
About King Alexander Entertainment:
King Alexander Entertainment is a management company geared at promoting local Toronto artists, with a focus on urban music talent. An entertainment company with a difference, King Alexander Entertainment prides itself on producing artists with a positive message; artists who are involved in the community and have a desire to be an inspiration.
Contact:
For more information contact Tashika Gomes at (647) 678 4070 or email kingalexanderentertainment@gmail.com
###